It was some time in December that I noticed the Von Dutch brand for the first time. Since then I have noticed that this brand seems to be lurking in the background at my every turn. Then recently I had the realization that, just like a bad case of the clap, I don’t really know where Von Dutch came from, but I can’t ignore it any longer.

That realization (not that I have the clap, but that Von Dutch snuck up on me with no ad campaign, no advance warning) caused me to reflect. During this reflection I noticed that Von Dutch’s initials are VD. Is this a coincidence? I think not!

Now that I am aware of this scary fact, my mind is filled with unanswered questions, like who is behind this? What does all this mean? What role can imaginary numbers play in stopping world hunger? How do you cure the clap?

I keep turning on the TV, hesitantly bracing myself, expecting to see an ad along the lines of “Von Dutch, brought to you by the makers of Chlamydia.”

For the moment all this has me pretty worked up, and you should be worked up too. Hopefully I will adjust and we will have some answers that will help us cope, because I have a feeling that Von Dutch just isn’t going away, like Herpes.

P.S. I heard that syphilis can make you paranoid and crazy if left untreated. Is that true?