Many people these days are worried that our kids are getting too soft and lethargic. Not us, we think it is a good thing. A well-fed kid is a happy kid. A child who is happy is not stressed out. The result is a nice, tender teenager. And we think that is a good thing.
“They really took care of my little Billy. The only advice I have: pull your kid out of there before they hit 13 or 14.” ~Maude Smith
“My little 13 year-old Tanya was so skinny from an eating disorder. But the caring folks at Cannibal Daycare got her back up to a healthy bodyweight in no time. Then all that progress was erased when she turned up missing.” ~Renee Glaxo
“They seem to run a pretty tight ship. Despite being circumstantially linked to at least 55 missing children in last three years, we have not been able to find any evidence against them.” ~Police Chief Dave Spencer
To enroll your child, or for more information call 1-(555)-U-CANNI-2.
Queries about missing teens can be directed to our lawyer at 1-(555)-4-LAWYERS.