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In Association with

Baker's Dozen

Dr. No-No's:
Practices Frowned Upon by the American Medical Association

1. Diagnosing someone as HIV positive based solely upon a visual inspection.

2. Too frequent prescription of   “a healthy dose of reality” to spoiled children of well-to-do parents.

3. Excessive diagnosis of the disease known in 17th century Salem, MA as “witchcraft.”

4. Use of Fischer-Price stethoscope, even in emergencies when you can’t find a real stethoscope.

5. Offering a sales promotion where every vasectomy comes with a free neutering on a dog.

6. Marketing the above promotion by stating, “Man should not suffer alone. Bring in your best friend and we’ll snip him too, at no extra cost!”

7. Helping isolated bacteria fight loneliness by “introducing” them to human populations.

8. Failing to recognize and diagnose correctly the symptoms of advanced leprosy.

9. Enforcing a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy on all your male nurses.

10. Suggesting to leukemia patients the possibility that they caught it from something they received in the mail.

11. Encouraging races between wheelchair bound patients and patients on crutches by giving odds and taking bets on said races.

12. Behaving in a manner that diminishes professionalism, like preceding every entry into the Intensive Care Unit with the catchphrase, “peak-a-boo, ICU!”

13. Trivializing the addictive nature of certain medicines by one’s flippant attitude, i.e. constant references to the administration of Ether as a “visit from the Ether Bunny.”

by CWH

Baker’s Dozen is a list of a dozen things on a given topic. Each edition of the Baker’s Dozen is dedicated to an individual by the name of Baker.

This Week's Baker

James Baker

Former Secretary of State.


_______ "Occasionally lame, but generally awesome."________

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