"Occasionally lame,
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Posted 1/18/2004

1. Failed T-Shirt Ideas
2. Von Dutch Stands for VD
3. Tai Chi vs. Chai Tea
4. Marilyn Monroe
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Do-Gooder Reports
Suspicious Package
in NYC Subway

Eyewitness Cora Layshunn took this amateur
photograph of the suspicious package on the subway platform.

Bronx, NY Wednesday afternoon NYPD officers responded to a report about a suspicious package spotted on the subway at the 161st Street/Yankee Stadium station. The tip came from local retiree Cora Layshunn, age 73.

“By the time we arrived on the scene the man sporting the package in question was long gone,” said Officer Rodriguez. “When we were unable to find anyone else who actually saw the suspect we initially became skeptical of Mrs. Layshunn’s story.”

Officers then questioned Mariah Grant, Mrs. Layshunn’s neighbor, who also happened to be on the same train. Although Mrs. Grant admitted she did not seen the man’s face, she seemed to corroborate her neighbor’s story.

“I saw everything. I was sitting across from my neighbor. There was Cora Layshunn between an amorous African-American alpha male and her pregnant daughter,” Mrs. Grant told police. “All of a sudden I saw Cora’s facial expression change and then I saw the flash go off on her camera. I did not see what she took a picture of, but I could tell it must have been shocking.”

Photographic evidence confirmed Mrs. Layshunn’s claims after her roll of film was developed. Layshunn said she was just follow directions from a subway public service poster instructing riders “If you see something, say something” and to report suspicious packages. The do-gooder claims she was just doing her civic duty by keeping her eyes open and reporting the suspicious package.

After showing the photograph to several experts, police were finally able to determine that the suspicious package contained two bananas.

“We showed it to a couple of our in house experts with no leads. Then I just happened to have the photo with me at the Armory on 168th St. during a Police Athletic League workout,” said detective John Wattz. “Some guy from the NYC Road Runners club noticed the photo. He immediately spotted the New Balance logo and pegged the package as two bananas. He said some hard core marathoners train with bananas in the waist band for extra fuel on super long runs. The theory we are now going on is that this guy is a long distance runner.”

According to her daughter Tamara, Mrs. Layshunn has a long-standing habit of checking out packages while riding on the subway that predates the time period when she met Mr. Layshunn.

“Actually, the last time that my mom checked out a package and said something about it was the time when my parents met,” said Tamara. “My father was very flattered by the nice things my mom had to say.”

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