Web Launch Disaster Leaves Seven Dead
Cambridge, MA (AP) Seven crewmembers were killed in a web-site launch disaster Tuesday afternoon. The e-accident occurred at around 3:30pm EDT when web designers attempted to launch a new site, www.GenerallyAwesome.com, into orbit in cyberspace. Onlookers witnessed a burst of flames erupting after hearing a loud explosion on the Internet.
Details as to the cause of the tragedy are still not clear, in what some are calling the worst disaster in the history of the Internet since its invention in 1971 by Al Gore. No formal charges have been filed against Generally Awesome Dotcom or company CEO Catch Hameron. NASA engineers responsible for the ongoing investigation have yet to make any formal statements to the press. But expert observers have already developed several working theories.
One theory in circulation is that the disaster was due to flaws in site content. “This project had virtual disaster written all over it from day one. Generally Awesome Dotcom is the worst conceived concept in e-content that I have seen,” says industry expert Kersey Leonard. He went on to say, “The Internet is all about providing relevant and useful information, not inane things like comics and pirates. And the company slogan, ‘occasionally lame, but generally awesome,’ that sounds like something that a kid in junior high would come up with.”
When asked for her opinion about Leonard’s comment, Hameron’s ex-girlfriend Anne Lane had the following to say, “I think that Mr. Leonard makes some keen observations. Several important aspects of Catch’s development appear to have stopped in the eight grade, for example his social development, not to mention his physical development, if you know what I mean. But as far as the slogan goes, I think that it aptly describes content, especially if by ‘generally’ he means seldom and by ‘occasionally’ he means frequently.”
The other main theory is that the problems are design based. “On an aesthetic level the page is not horrible, showing a mediocre competence for web layout,” Master programmer Chau Yin said in a phone interview last night. “But from an html script standpoint this page is a virtual design catastrophe. A look at the source-code reveals the use of at least two different types of web page generators. This type of thing is a meltdown waiting to happen.”
The company’s secretary reported that in a meeting on Monday Mr. Hameron told employees he was planning to come onto the web with a bang. “He told us that he was ‘planning to explode onto the Internet scene’ but I did not think that he meant literally,” she told reporters. Hameron was not available for comment.
NASA Internet Division officials said that disasters like these, while painful, serve as an invaluable tool for learning and development in our cyberspace program.