Pirate FAQ’s
Readers’ questions answered by
renowned archaeological linguist Dr. John H. Crabtree.

Dr. Crabtree,
What is a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet?
-Enrique, 16, Boca Raton, FL

That’s a good question, Enrique. As many people know, his favorite letter is “ARRRRRGH!” Fewer people, however, know that his second favorite letter is lower case “arrrrrgh.”
Dr. C

Dr. Crabtree,
How many pirates does it take to screw in a light bulb?
-Tawnya, 23, Redding, PA

Well, Tawnya, the answer to that question depends on whether it is an incandescent, compact fluorescent, or halogen bulb?
Dr. C

Dr. Crabtree,
This year I played on a little league team called the “Pirates.” It was fun. Now I want to become a real pirate when I grow up. Can you tell me how?
-Timmy, 9, Bakersfield, CA

Timmy, my man, being a real pirate is not easy. It requires a lot of hard work, dedication and skill. Keep your (good) eye on your goal, and with a little luck you might someday have the chance to get noticed by one of the MLB scouts at one of your games. With the right amount of luck, the scout will work for that ball-club in Pittsburgh.
If that does not work out, I know a guy in St. Petersburg, FL who can always use an extra hand to help swab the decks and furl and unfurl the ships sails.
Dr. C

Dr. Crabtree,
Just where exactly is Davey Jones’ locker located?
-Tyler, 13, Boulder, CO

Yo, Tyler, glad you asked. For a long time this was a puzzle to marine archeologists. Now we have the answer to your question. Davey Jones’ locker is located in the hallway right next to the cafeteria. It is on the left-hand side, #257. We should all thank Mr. Johnson, the Vice-Principal at your school, for that one.
Dr. C


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