Written Transcript of When My Grandpa Stubbed his Toe
Grandpa: "…then Harry Truman says to me… ‘That Winston Churchill is a SON OF A [EXPLETIVE]!"
Me: "Grandpa, I knew that Truman and Churchill had their disagreements, but I’d never expect to hear that kind of name used."
Grandpa: "Piece of [curse]! No, that’s not what I was going to say. Truman said he was a fine war-time leader."
Me: "Then why did you just swear in your story? I thought you had Parkinson’s disease, not turret syndrome. And why are you hopping on one foot?"
Grandpa: "You little dumb-[profanity]! I just stubbed my toe on the couch! That’s why I am [obscenity] swearing like a [bad word] sailor."
Me: "I thought you were a sailor?"
Grandpa: "That’s right, I was a sailor. And I did not spent two years risking my neck gunning down [invective] kamikazes to keep our nations fleet safe to just sit here and let them damn [racial slur] bastards manafacture furniture that is gonna make me break my neck."
Me: "Grandpa, this furniture is Scandinavian made, not Japanese. But your TV set is Japanese made."
Grandpa: "Oh, good thinking. You reminded me that the game is about to start."
Me: "Didn’t the doctor say that watching TV is extremely detrimental for your eyesight?"