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Posted 9/23/2004

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Gay Astronauts Want to Explore Uranus


New York, NY Wednesday afternoon the gay space advocacy group Gay Astronauts Searching for Intelligent Extra-Terrestrials (GASIE) released a press statement calling for a mission to send an automated probe into Uranus. This announcement comes in an effort to renew the American drive for space exploration that the Bush administration publicly advocated earlier this year (though Bush has never mentioned Uranus specifically).

“Our hope in this mission is to ascertain the source of the gaseous emissions coming from Uranus and determine whether they are toxic or not,” said Chief Scientific Coordinator for GASIE Anderson Buttz.

The GASIE proposal includes a plan to send a probe to penetrate deep into the core of Uranus. Probe designs are still prototypes, but any probe will need a huge amount of thrust to enter Uranus due to its strange movements and pressurized atmosphere. According to some group members designs are nearing completion, but some details remain to be worked out. One member told GA, “Our design team could have been done by now if our head designer wasn’t so anal about everything. And I do mean everything!”

Some were surprised by the announcement. Many who read the press release had never realized how gays felt about space exploration.

One GASIE pep-band member said, “I don’t think people should be surprised at all. Exploration is what the gay lifestyle is all about.”

Some members of the scientific community think GASIE is too narrow in its focus and is misguided in its choice of specialty. One NASA scientist who asked to rename nameless accused gays of being fixated on Uranus. He said, “after all, it’s just a big round place.”

GASIE president Baldwin Arse defended his stance. According Mr. Arse, Uranus could be a significant place for discovery.

Mr. Arse said, “Right now most people don’t know much about Uranus. Truth be told, many don’t really even want to know, but if we have our way we will change that. For example, did you know that Uranus has at least 22 moons? And were you aware that Uranus is a constant source of wind? Also if you look very closely, you can see that Uranus is just slightly lopsided.”

Speculation has also surfaced to the possibility of sending probes with life forms on them to assess the acidity of the environment and whether life-forms can survive there. Some analysts expect gay astronauts in the future to develop probes that can contain some small life form such as a gerbil, perhaps. There are complications related to such plans, including solving the problem of getting the gerbils back out.

Want to find out more about Uranus? Click here!





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