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Posted 2/11/2005

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Pirate Becomes
‘Arrrgghhh’-chitect

Austin, TX Construction was completed on a groundbreaking building deep in the heart of Texas. The building was designed by former pirate Patch Hameron.

“The fact that Hameron has embarked on a career of groundbreaking architecture after having embarked on so many wave-breaking journeys as a Pirate is quite pironic,” said John H. Crabtree, who volunteers as a career and occupation specialist for retired and semi-retired persons.

His architecture (or “Arrrgghhh-chitecture” has Hameron calls it) was inspired by his experiences on the high seas.

“Methinks it prudent to keep a watchful eye on the horizon. A well manned crows nest can keep many a scalawag at bay, as it were,” said Hameron, who became paranoid about the activities of his many neighbors of recent Mexican origins. The mariner added, “I have never known it to be wise to trust a Spaniard. Knaves, the whole lot of ‘em, says I!”

Other innovations include cannon turrets and sails, both of which are completely novel in the Austin area.

While some architecture critics hold the design in low regard, there are those who hail the design. For example environmentalists applauded the architect’s attempt to conserve energy. The sails harness wind power while at the same time shading the house, thus reducing the energy required to cool the house in summer months.

The impetus behind this creative outpouring is not known for certain as Hameron won’t comment on the source of the inspiration, but that has not stopped the speculation.

“I think this is an effort to adapt to retired life. Living in a land-locked setting has been quite the challenge for him. I think this really helps ease the transition,” said Catch, Hameron’s nephew and CEO of Generally Awesome Dotcom.

The sea captain hopes to attract rich and daring young patrons. Hameron has plans to market to up and coming young rap artists. He cites their taste for eye-catching, over-the-top decor as a strong selling point. “Pirates and hard-core gangster rappers have a lot of interests in common. I mean there are the obvious things, like our mutual love of booty and obsession with gold jewelry. But the connection runs so much deeper than that,” Hameron explained.







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