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Posted 5/03/2005

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EXPOSE: Bush’s Secret ‘Support Our Troops’ Sticker Draft

New York, NY Imaging specialists at NYSU have made a shocking discovery about the ubiquitous “Support Our Troops” bumper stickers. By using a special experimental process which combines ultrasound, infrared and black light technology, University Experts have uncovered evidence of a secret draft (see enhanced image to the right).

“This is a very sneaky move the president has made. The contract agreement on the back, while barely visible to the naked eye, may still stand up in court as legally binding,” said Generally Awesome legal analyst John H. Crabtree. “It is the same legal concept used by cell phone companies who put so-called ‘sticker contracts’ on phones they send you in the mail. This type of contract, once affixed, is very difficult to fully remove.”

White House sources have confirmed that the draft will take effect in January, 2006. The timing is very crucial to America’s involvement in Iraq, when the tour of duty of as many as 1/3 of support crews will draw to a close.

“This is a very shrewd move on the President’s part,” said Professor of Economics Albert H. Lobstershrub. “It is a very underhanded and yet, at the same time, very cost effective means of getting more troops. The timing was also good as the increased spending on traditional recruiting tactics was yielding a lower marginal return. Indeed, the very fact that the President simultaneously brought in huge sums of revenue as he was capturing a replenished army is admirable.”

Over half of the soon-to-be inductees are above the age of 55. Some critics have argued that is not wise to draft this age demographic. The AARP has rallied seniors to dispel this claim by showing that stereotypes based on age are inaccurate. They plan to do this by employing their years of experience in roles as diverse as food preparation and vehicle maintenance.

Some social activists, who often oppose many of Bush’s measures, are actually pleased about this secret sticker draft. “Historically the composition of the U.S. military has skewed toward poor urban and rural youth. This measure has found a way to force the under-represented demographic to shoulder a greater responsibility for our nation’s defense—that demographic being upper-income suburbanite retirees,” said one activist.







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