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Medicaid to Longer Pay for Viagra and Roofies for Sex Offenders

New York, NY After reports from New York State Comptroller Alan Hevesi revealed that nearly 200 registered sex offenders received Medicaid reimbursements for purchases of Viagra, Federal officials began to feel pressure to change this policy. Feds now say that states can decline to pay for Viagra and Roofies for registered sex offenders.

After hearing the announcements from the Feds, Mr. Hevesi told reporters, “I am glad to hear that the Feds are correcting this mistake by blocking access to Viagra and Roofies… wait a minute, there were reimbursements for Roofies, too?” Upon making that statement, Hevesi collapsed.

State lawmakers were shocked and outraged and insisted that a probe begin immediately to determine just who was responsible for this gross oversight.

“Yeah, I guess we wrote some pretty vague guidelines,” said one Medicaid official, who went on to add, “this kind of thing is pretty much inexcusable and someone really should lose their job over it. But since this is a government bureaucracy that is very unlikely.”

Some politicians have begun already to take the cause to the public using powerful rhetoric.

"The bottom line is, giving convicted sex offenders government-funded Viagra is like giving convicted murderers an assault rifle when they get out of jail," said U.S. Sen. Charles Schumer, a New York Democrat. He added, “giving them Roofies on top of the Viagra is like dropping them off with the assault rifles at the local Mall food court.”

Some advocates are calling for other products to be added to the list of those denied to sex offenders. One of the most extreme examples is Flinstone’s Children’s chewable multivitamin.

“Those vitamins look so much like candy,” said one Senator. “I have even confused them as such. My wife got me used that fact to trick me into taking my vitamins. We just can’t leave such a powerful weapon of trickery in the hands of creeps.”

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