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Posted 9/05/2005


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Dolly Parton Weds Lorenzo Lamas, Becomes the Dolly Lamas

Dollywood, TN In an announcement that took everyone by surprise, spokespersons for Dolly Parton and Lorenzo Lamas confirmed tabloid reports that claimed the couple, not known by anyone to be a couple, had wed in a secret ceremony in Tibet.

“A huge reason behind the need for secrecy is the fact that China, who controls Tibet, is very restrictive in their access to Tibet,” said a spokesperson for the Country singer. “We had to actually sneak them both into the country over remote mountain passes.”

Dolly, a native to the smoky mountains, seemed to be very at ease in the high altitude and rugged terrain, local guides said. Alternately, Lamas, one-time model, came across as a huge “pretty-boy,” another guide told Generally Awesome.

“He [Lamas] can dish it out, as evidenced by his comments to contestants on the short lived ABC show “Are You Hot?” But he takes criticism like a girly-man,” said long-time acquaintance and invitee to the wedding, Arnold Schwarzenegger. “I told him he was not tough enough for those mountains. And I was right. He had altitude sickness, like a sissy. That’s why he never became a super-block-buster-action-movie-super-star, like me!”

While the public was shocked by this announcement, perhaps the greatest shock came to the spouses of each of the stars, who had no idea.

When asked by reporters about what the future might hold, the Dolly Lamas replied, “I will lead Tibet to freedom and be a spiritual leader for all those who seek enlightenment. And I will also entertain the pants off anyone who stands in my way!”

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