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Posted 08/31/2003

1. Epigrammies #210/211
2. Pirate FAQ's
3. Cell Phone Monster
4. Carrion as a Carry-on?
5. Epigrammies #208/209

Cain College Plans for Vengeance on Rival Abel Academy

The helmets are those of long-time I4NI conference rivals Cain College (left) and Able Academy (right).

New Yok, NY (AP) In an internal memo obtained by Generally Awesome Dotcom, Cain College Athletic department director Lucy Fur stressed the need for vengeance upon long time rival Able Academy. The letter, signed personally by Lucy Fur, urged the coaches from the college’s seven athletic teams to “slaughter Able at the first chance.”

The memo cites the main motivation behind such a measure being “the need to avenge the wrong perpetrated against us in the recent Intercollegiate Agricultural Fair.”

The incident in question occurred earlier this summer at the Intercollegiate Agricultural Fair (IAF) held in Rapid City South Dakota. Judges at the IAF awarded best in show to the team from Able Academy. Able Academy’s sheep project won after the grain project presented by Cain College received a controversial point deduction from judges for being “an offering in bad faith.”

Cain College has long regarded Able Academy as its Inter-regional Nebraska & North Dakota Non-Technical Nutritional Institutions (INNNNI or I4NI) conference rival. I4NI conference president Prof. Moses said that the conference regards such rivalries as a healthy part of life, something that schools need to sort out amongst them. “We have always adhered to the philosophy ‘a tooth for a tooth,’ in the I4NI conference,” said Prof. Moses.

This incident is not the first time that Cain College has had problem getting along with I4NI schools. Over the past ten years the school has even had major disagreements with partner school. When asked about the history of conflict, even with friendly conference schools, a Cain PR spokesman said, “I don’t understand why people assume that we are at fault in these disputes. Do people expect us to control the actions of others? They need to realize that we are not our brothers’ keeper.”


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