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Posted 10/20/2003

1. Inspirational Photos
2. Sexy Prefixes
3. Epigrammies #212/213
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5. Epigrammies #210/211

Other Headlines:Arnold Covers Spread Twice in 1 DayMan Claims ‘Marshmallow Man Scenario Theoretically Possible’

Vanilla Animal Cookies Sick
of Being Called ‘Crackers’

Cookies from both parties band together to stop the use of the slur “cracker.”

New York, NY (AP) At a press conference today the consumable animal rights group Food Animals Rally Together! (FART!), made public its grievance against the marketing practices of American food manufacturers. The complaint voices the group’s anger over the habitual use of the term “cracker” in reference to vanilla animal cookies.

“Study after study has revealed that the term cracker is systematically applied only to vanilla flavored animal cookies, while chocolate flavored animals are getting their proper respect as cookies,” alleges the group’s lawyer, A. Schister.

“If there is one thing that I am sick of it is being called a cracker. I am an animal cookie with real emotions whose feelings should be respected. The label ‘cracker’ hurts my feelings and denigrates my worth as an individual,” said Huber Humphrey, a vanilla camel.

FART! hopes to raise awareness of their cause by making it a campaign issue in the upcoming presidential election. Some candidates are already listening.

“This is a type of reverse discrimination that sheds light on the sad reality that the issue of color has not yet been resolved satisfactorily in this country,” said 2004 Democratic Presidential hopeful Al Sharpton.

FART! is also organizing a boycott of Animal Cookie manufacturers. The aim of the boycott is to achieve the permanent reversal of the naming policy of vanilla cookies. At this time the predicted duration is “until the companies give in, or until the day arrives when flavor is no longer employed by those in control of the means of production as a way of dividing the proletariat against itself,” said FART! director of propaganda, Lenin C. Marx.

“FART! is calling on animals cookies of all colors to unite in speaking out against this injustice and bringing their economic brunt to bear on the situation,” said one local chapter leader of FART!

Last Week's Headline: Arnold Covers Spread Twice in 1 Day

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