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Bald Eagle Joins Hair Club
New York, NY (AP) Last Wednesday the Hair Club welcomed its newest member, Edsel, the Bald Eagle. Edsel is the first eagle to join the Hair Club since it was founded in 1977. Edsel signed an agreement to serve as a Hair Club spokesman over the next two years. Exact dollar figures for the deal have not been disclosed, although insiders close to the deal said the Hair Club may pay Edsel as much as 100,000 lbs of salmon/year over the next two years.
“Being bald is something that a lot of eagles deal with. It affects not only male eagles, but also females,” Edsel told reporters at a press conference held in the Bronx. Edsel said that he decided to join the Hair Club not only to raise awareness of the plight of the bald eagle, but to let bald eagles know that there is hope for them to be able to live a more normal life.
“For many years I did not really have a lot of self-confidence,” said Edsel. “Now with my new, fuller head of hair, I feel up to any challenge in my path, whether it be asking that cute lady-falcon in the office for her digits, or swooping down hundreds of feet to snare that lake trout with my razor sharp talons. Although, truth be told, I try to avoid getting dinner that way these days, since all that action has a tendency to mess up the hairdo.”
Sociologist Dr. John H. Crabtree said that this was an important change in image for American culture. “I think that the Hair Club reshaped the American image by allowing aging, balding men to restore their youthful appearance through hair recuperation procedures. Now, by extending these procedures to bald eagles, the Hair Club stands to remake one of the most prominent American cultural icons. Edsel is just the prototype.”
Edsel is a legal consultant who lives in upstate New York and commutes to Alabama to spend his winters.