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Posted 12/14/2003

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GA EXCLUSIVE: Saddam’s Secret Disguise and Plan

The photos above show the progression in Saddam’s appearance from the past style, to his look as he was caught, to the possible future semblance that was disrupted by his recent capture.

Baghdad, Iraq (GA News) After the dramatic capture of Saddam Hussein by U.S. forces Saturday night at around 8:30 p.m. local time, more details are slowly emerging surrounding the event. In a Generally Awesome Dotcom exclusive we have details about plans made by Saddam for an escape, plans that were thwarted with his capture.

“Sources in Iraq are telling us that Saddam was growing his beard as part of a disguise that he hoped to use to escape Iraq without being detected” said one junior White House official who asked to remain nameless.

This beard was allegedly part of a Santa Claus disguise that Saddam has been working on for weeks. At press conference this morning Maj. Gen. Raymond Odierno gave further details on the circumstances surrounding Saddam’s capture that happened about nine miles from Tikrit at a location along the Tigris River. Saddam was found in a small hut on a sheep farm that contained a bed and had clothing strewn all over. Also found was $750,000 cash.

“My sources in Iraq tell me that the clothing to which the General was referring at the press conference consisted of Santa and elf costumes,” said Generally Awesome Dotcom CEO Catch Hameron during a phone interview this afternoon. “The two unnamed men apprehended along with Saddam were to be the elves and Saddam was, of course, to be Santa Claus. His plan was to use the disguise to help him get away. The money was to be used to buy reindeer, as well as a sleigh full of gifts for small children, thus allowing him to fly over coalition radar undetected. T-shirts still in their wrappers, also mentioned by Maj. Gen. Raymond Odierno, were to become gifts as well.”

When asked about his sources Hameron, whose company had its headquarters in Baghdad prior to the war, said that he was still well connected in Iraq. In the interview Hameron went on to claim that the unopened packages of shirts found with Saddam were none other than the “Saddam is #1” shirt design formerly produced by his company.

While many remain skeptical of Hameron’s claims waiting for further corroborating evidence, others had given credence to his remarks.

“It is not uncommon for individuals overcome by guilt to react in strange ways,” said Sociological Linguistic Dr. John H. Crabtree. “This course of action by Saddam, if true, would represent an attempt to become the antithesis of his former self. By adopting the Santa Claus persona, (which is the embodiment of joy, generosity, and holiday cheer), Saddam is attempting to achieve the inverse of and thus cancel out his former persona of despotic, dictatorial madman.”

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